Every Child, including those with ADHD, learn when they experience consequences for their behaviour. Posted in Calgary.
Kids who have been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) or Attention Deficit Disorder with Hyperactivity (ADHD) are more impulsive and have difficulty focusing, concentrating, and staying on task. They may struggle to sit still and have difficulty self-regulating or self-monitoring their own behaviour. Anger provoking situations are particularly difficult because anger compounds everyone’s tendency to be impulsive and reactive. These learning issues result in AD/HD kids often having a history of misbehaviour, more frequent punishment, and greater family conflict.
Punishing ADHD Children Leads to a downward spiral of punishment and revenge
When parents, out of frustration, slip into using punitive techniques such as spanking, yelling, or taking things away, an AD/HD child can become increasingly discouraged and resentful resulting in a downward spiral of punishment followed by revenge behaviour (the child’s revenge behaviour being quite intentional, not impulsive!). Even when parents try to use non-punitive techniques such as time-out, the programs often fail because the impulsive child refuses to stay in time-out.
To discourage parents from “punishing” children diagnosed with AD/HD, some experts suggested that these children are not responsible for their misbehaviour and that punishment is ineffective. Unfortunately, this has contributed to a perception that all consequences are ineffective for children diagnosed as AD/HD. Even books and courses may shy away from recommending consequences and over-rely on recommending alternative strategies such as cuing, reasoning, problem-solving, points and reward programs, diversion, or distraction. Most of these techniques are great interventions and important to implement, but discouraging the use of consequences (because the distinction between consequences and punishments is often misunderstood) means impulsive kids are inadvertently deprived of the opportunity to experience non-punitive, natural consequences for their impulsive behaviour. Non-punitive consequences are necessary for a child’s brain to start inhibiting its impulsive tendencies and to self-regulate (a fancy way to say control) the child’s behaviour.
ADHD kids need to cue themselves to “stop and think” and not rely on adults to think for them.
All kids need to train their brains to inhibit impulses, to stop and think, and to reflect before acting. This is particularly true for kids diagnosed with AD/HD who are accustomed to adults constantly warning them or cuing them about their impulsive behaviour. Rather than learning self-control, they learn to rely on adults to think for them. They “borrow” their parent’s frontal lobes to inhibit their own behaviour. Adults keep reminding and cuing and AD/HD kids momentarily slow down but quickly rev back up. This can lead to exasperated and tired parents who end up yelling or punishing and everything goes downhill.
To develop self-control and take responsibility for their own behaviour, AD/HD kids need clear rules regarding disrespect that are specified in advance, and, if they break the rules, they need to experience brief, consistently applied, non-punitive consequences. If they wish to avoid the consequence, the child must train their brain to monitor their own behaviour, inhibit their own impulses, and self-regulate their own behaviour. They can’t wait for an adult to remind them to behave. This ensures responsibility for a child’s behaviour rests with the child, not with the adult.
Non-punitive consequences are not punishments.
It is very important to recognize consequences are not punishments. We need brief short consequences such as time away, not punishments like yelling, spanking, or taking things way. The Life Skills 4 My Family program teaches parents how to consequence without punishment. That’s critical for success in raising children with AD/HD.
Consequences are only a small part of helping a child with ADHD
Bear in mind that AD/HD kids need much more than just a set of rules and non-punitive consequences. They also need to learn to control their own behaviour so they can avoid being consequenced. That’s why Life Skills 4 My Family teaches essential life skills such as self-regulating and controlling impulsive behaviour, managing feelings of anger, communicating effectively, not letting others provoke them, being easy-going, and recognizing and modifying negative or maladaptive thoughts.
Equally important to experiencing consequences, AD/HD kids also require positive rewards and celebrations to motivate them to learn new life skills and put them into practice. Positive motivational programs are outlined in detail in the Life Skills 4 My Family program.
Checkout Life Skills 4 My Family for further information about this in-home family education / anger management video program. Children and parents work together to learn essential life skills. Developed and offered by David Ricketts, Ph.D., Calgary.